Peluk lah sekuat hati

Peluk semuanya sekuat hati selamanya dan tak mungkin dilepaskan. My family, my best friends, Syaukhi, his family, his best friends, our friends and our future.

:+:+: Hospital Indo :+:+:

Early this week, I hadda fever for 4 days, flu-like syndrome , arthalgia (click here for more info) and horrifying tummy ache. It was on the 4th day, when I went to the toilet, I realized I was bleeding from my rectal. It was a shocking experience. First expression "Yeay!!! da period, tak yah sembahyang zohor!". Bile tengok betol2 "Oh no, ni bukan period, this is melena(click here for more info)," Second expression was "woooo," (jakun tak pernah tengok, it kinda looks like bloody, meaty and very disgusting.) I told my Bf, in 5 minutes jer, dia dah ada kat depan my house with his ride. Ready nak bawa I to the hospital. I hate hospitals, I hate doctors when I'm the patient. I hate needles and those stupid nurses yang tak faham2 I don't wanna get shot! The last time I was rushed to the hospital was when I fell down and scratched my self. It was a superficial painful 15 inches scratch. I got the scratch from my sharp rusty sink, and because of that, the doctor shot me with anti-tetanus(click here for more info), I almost faint in the hospital just at the sight of the needle. Kenapalah jarum wujud di dunia ni ha??



Anyways, back to the story, I was nausea and vertigo (click here for more info). Jalan sket langgar dindinglah, langgar teponlah... So this is how orang minum 'todi' feels like heh? I diagnosed myself with Typhoid (click here for more info)or dengue fever, belom dengue hemorrhage lagi. So rileks la, tak parah lagi, besok gi hospital pun tak pe. Watpe nak rush? I consult ngan my friend dr. Ezy, she agreed with me. But she said "But if u hemorrhage fever, shock (click here for more info) on the 5th or 6th day can be fatal, cam arwah (our dear senior),"



So, I went to the hosp. Following the normal procedure, the stupid nurse took my blood with the biggest needle I never saw (sebab I tutup mate). My bf took me makan spaghetti for lunch, an hour later. My full-blood-test dah siap. My WIDAL test was negative. Alhamdulillah. My trombo was normal but my MCH, RDW-CV, LEKOSIT, MONO were incredibly high. My doctor used to say, "Lagi kammu pandai, lagi kammu banyak ilmu, lagi kammu bodoh!" It's true actually. So I know it's not typhoid, and it's not dengue, so what is it? I guessed it's an intestinal infection. But when I showed my full-blood-test to my doctor and asked her what's wrong with me. She said "Ohhh... infeksi kat tekak je, normal sorethroat, and you saket perot sebab you gastrik biase," I rase die ingat I budak 5 tahunkot nak cakap camtu. Tapi asal die bagi I obat antibiotic broad-spectrum, I malasnak argue dah.


Thank Allah I'm getting better now, that tummy-ache still bothers me tapi cam chipsmore je. Now u c, now u don't. Sekarang tengah super pokai after buang2 duit kat hospital. Hospital Hindon mahal, dah lah kuman and virus kat indon sangat banyak. Moto Indonesia sepatutnya "Eat our food and welcome to the hospital,"

:+: Touched :+:

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My patient's sister drew me secretly. She's an autism (If you wish to read more about autism, please click here). I always visit my patient's house twice a month for monthly control. I can't help but noticed the beautiful drawings using crayon on the walls. Every side of the house wall, there is at least a painting. They were frame less. The family can't afford to frame any of them. They barely have enough money for food. This house will always be my favourite house to visit. As seen on drawing, I have my name tag on, "NUR DOKTOR". Hilarious, my name tag doesn't say that. But thanks. A smile for the world. She touched my heart, an autism, who can't speak, she doesn't even understand languages, but possess a magic hand.

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I upload one of my 'personal' collection, drawing is a passion. Like love, love is passion plus lust including all the other elements (trust, loyalty and whateva that adds up).

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P/s peeps : Never stop believing, never stop loving, mourn for your lost and smile because life is like a wheel, it won't stop spinning and it won't wait for you. To hell what other people trash about your life or your family. They may be right about it. Because remember this! Life is always an ebb flow to darkness and back again. Love - Shikyn (a broken hearted girl with a pinch of suckerness but believes that time will reveal everything and her passion towards her patients)

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:+:+: Fat :+:+:

(Admiring Gabourey Sidibe, what you are what you present to the world)

I am fat and I'm not afraid to say that.
I 'was' never skinny all my life
Sometimes I wonder how does it feels like to be one
But I'm happy with the way I look and I'm confident in front of my patients


"Believe me when I say it takes courage to be fat,"


It also takes an enormous amount of forbearance. The hatred directed at fat people is astounding nowadays. Often, it borders on dehumanizing. Hating people for being fat, whether out of malice or supposed concern for people’s health, is considered perfectly acceptable in our society.


It was never easy to be teased at everyday at my young age. I understand how it felt to be fat, ugly and alone. So the next time you feel like laughing at a fat person. STOP! Imagine what if she's your mother or your lil' sister who is weeping for help because she can't help the way she is.


Don't hate fat people, hate fat epidemic. Help all the fat people to fight against it.


(Taken from Glee! I'm a die hard fan. I'M GLEEKED!!! )

Guess what I'm doing tonight? Sleeping at 8.30p.m, woke up at 9.00p.m, ate junk foods and blogging. I'm such a lazy arse! And guess where is my bf? He's out to his routine work-out (every night from 7.30p.m - 11.oop.m). He's a gym freak!! But lately his hard work have paid off. If ONLY I can upload his 'semi naked' picture here, you'll go gaga over his body. lol. (tak malu puji bf sendirik). My boyfriend never complained about having a "fat" girl as his gf, sometimes when my self esteem is low, and I feel 'fat' and 'ugly'. I always say 'no' when he asked me out. At times I ask him, "why do you like me? I know I'm not pretty, I'm... fat. I'm not the best looking girl 'here'," He just smiled. "I told you, it was love at first sight, the first time I saw you, I knew we were meant to be,"

Dimanakah 'pertama kali' dia nampak pompuan 'temok' ini?

(Source: Nur Ashikyn's fb profile picture)

(Pardon my gedikness. It's in the blood)

To all my dearest hunnies : No matter what size you are, just be confident. There is nothing more beautiful in this world, than you... being yourself.

:+: Bila dia kembali :+:

Warning : Ni post semi-emo


I believe in quote "what you give, you'll get back," This is a private post, pernah tak someone you trust betrayed you? I think everybody has been in this situation. Just nak curhat kat blog ni je. A girl dengan initial RN promised me, she would never repeat what she have done in the past. But she lied, just to get what what she wants, what she desires and who she dreams of. I gave up on my dreams, everything I ever wanted and believe. She's like a sneaky back-stabber. I was weak, malas nak fight. I just gave up with a broken heart. I felt like a sucker, I believed her! RN 'ym' me last night, what more does she want?


RN : sori
me : u dpt pe u nk, xyah la ungkit pape lg
RN : ok. sori
me : 4 all the things that u've done, i hope it was worth it


Dearest RN, tonight saya malas nak layan awak, because I just realized

- I have nothing more to give

- I have nothing left to lose

- And you know, you have nothing more to take from me

- After what you're trying to pull,

- I think it's best if we just move on.

p/s : Kite same2 pompuan, Janganlah luka kan balik luka yang baruuu je nak sembuh. Peace*

:+:+: Menghitung hari dengan senyuman :+:+:

Baju kebaya dah siap!

Tengah mood super happy ni

Orang kate jangan show off dulu nanti jinx*

Tunggu je la for the big day, but I can't help it.

(I don't believe in jinx* pun. hehe.)

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Mak kate "This happens sekali je seumur hidup,"

Ni la saat2 yang di nantikan seumur hidup

Tapi I tak dapat rase kegembiraan macam orang lain.

hrm =(

May be sebab life sangat hectic now.

clinics, patients and tests almost everyday.

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Moga2 semua berjalan lancar.

InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah masih ada rezeki.

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Happy*

Lelaki dan saya

Saya tak ade adik beradik lelaki. So saya tak tau pun laki tu ape time kecik. Dulu time kecik, menurut pemahaman budak berumur 8 taun, yang membezakan laki dan perempuan tu ialah rambut. Kalau nak jadi pompuan bele lah rambut panjang, nak jadi laki bele la rambut pendek pastu berlagak kasar2 sket. Ha..jadilah satu produk laki yang sempurna! Dulu time darjah satu, cikgu tak ajar sains ke... anatomi ke... jadi saya tak tau langsung laki dan perempuan ni secara fisikal lain rupenyer.


Time darjah satu dulu, saya ada best friend, the boy-next door. Nama die Taylor (bukan nama betol), he was my best friend. Setiap petang main same2 around the neigbourhood. Mamat ni just a year older than me. Time hingusan dulu, dari mata saya dia sangat gentleman tak macam laki lain yang suke ejek saya 'gemok' ke 'dinosour' ke... (sebab time tu memang saya sangat montel, dari jauh kalau saya pakai baju warne biru tua nampak macam doraemon tengah berjalan).


Suatu hari, me and Taylor tengah main tiup2 buih depan rumah. Ntah kenapa dari dulu sampai sekarang I find blowing bubbles is very exciting. Sampai sekarang, time pergi taman mini Indonesia setahun lalu, the only ole-ole saya beli kat Taman mini tu ialah automatic bubble blower. Saya sangat sayang dan suke bubble blower tu, sampailah suatu hari bubble blower tu rosak. Itulah salah satu sejarah hitam dalam hidup ini. Tsk* Tsk*


Back to the story, tibe2 je Taylor cakap "Eh shikin, aku nak kencing la. Tak tahan dah ni,"
Saya pun cakap "G lah kencing dulu, orang tunggu kt sni, Taylor g kencing... orang nak habiskan semua air sabun ni!!! biar awak datang balik, dah habes dah semua...haaaa!!" Saya memang jaki sket time kecik2.
Tibe2 Taylor pun meletakkan straw bubble dia kat bawah dan membuka zip seluar dia. Dengan confidentnye mengeluarkan senjata dia dan buang air sambil berdiri.


Saya tengok dengan pelik. Saya pun bertanya ke Taylor "Apa tu?"
Taylor pelik saya bertanya,"Eh, ni buat kencing lah, kau tak de ke?Habistu kau kencing camane?"


Saya pun terus menjerit histeria, "Aaaahhh!!!" Berlari lintang pukang masuk rumah. Mak tengah potong sayur kat dapur. Saya pun mengadu kat mak "Mak!!! Taylor cacat! Kesian dia!"


Tu lah crite nostalgia saya. Bila dah belajar human anatomi, baru lah saya tahu human genital organs and their functions. So menurut saya, budak2 darjah satu sepatutnya diajar basic human anatomy untuk mengelakkan moments yang memalukan macam tadi tu. haha..

:+: Admiring :+:

Admiring her drawings, all pictures in this post are taken from www.stickgal.blogspot.com

Sometimes when I stared at the blank spaces in my room, I wonder...



Have cupids been that' lousy to me?



Easy come, easy go...



'They' tell me, what goes around comes around...



I don't need them, one is more than enough for me. I'm whole



Alhamdulillah

"I'm happy"

:+: Cik Aziati buli kami :+:

Hari ni saya pergi teman my sister daftar English intensive course at celpad, UIA main campus. Saya tak pernah gi UIA, berputar-putar jap dalam tu. Dah la jalan semua one way. Akhirnya jumpa, kte pergi lah ke auditorium (tempat pendaftaran). Sampai2 sana, tempat tu digunakan untuk ujian tajwid pagi tu. Saya pun pelik la, call management course tu, the lady cakap "Owh sorry2, kite dah tukar tempat pendaftaran kat UIA PJ," Me and my sis cam WUT?? UIA PJ tu ten mins je kot dari our house, nape tak gtau ada perubahan tempat? duh...


Dengan perasaan kurang best tapi masih bersabar lagi, drive la from gombak to pj. Sampai2 sana pukul 9.15 pagi. Pergilah tempat pendaftaran tu. Sebenarnya kene daftar pukul 8 pagi, tapi dah salah tempat nak buat camne. huhu...


Sampai kat meje pendaftaran, kite pun tanye lah kat wanita berbadan gempal dan berkaca mata. Dialah cik Aziati. "Nape tak hubungi saya kalau dah tukar kat PJ?" Dia dengan selambe nye jawab "Maaf, saya tak de no. telefon," I dah rasa lain macam dah "Kan saya pernah tepon cik banyak kali? Saya tanye sebab saya heran kenapa pendaftaran kursus ni takde isi borang ape2 pun? Saya tanya cik, tak payah amek informasi ape2 ke? Cik cakap tak payah, datang je kat Celpad," Saya tatap je wajah pompuan tu, agak geram la sebab dah bayar rm600+ tuk kursus seminggu ni, tapi management dia terok sangat. Kalau kursus ni free tak pe gak. huhu.

I tengok je muke cik Aziati ni, terlintas gak kat kepala, pompuan ni biar betol ni.

Cik Aziati pun mule bercerita, "Memang awalnye kite nak buat kursus kat celpad, tapi sebab ramai sangat orang, jadi kite terpakse pindah ke PJ, sebab tu lah pendaftaran di PJ, tapi sekarang ada perubahan lagi, kursus akan diadakan di celpad balik. Jadik nanti jam 5 ada bas akan hantar semua peserta dari UIA PJ ke celpad. Atau kalau cik nak hantar die sendiri pun tak pe jugak pukul 5 nanti,"


Saya ada banyak soklan nak tanye die. Tapi saya tahan je. Takot terkasar bahasa. "Nape terima ramai sangat orang sampai asrama tak cukup, then kene pindah2 tempat, tak de kuota ke?"

Saya tengok la list name peserta, nak make sure nama my sis ada kat situ, jumlah peserta 90 orang, ada nak dekat 15 orang tak bayar lagi RM 600+ tu, I tanye la kat cik Aziati "Ni tak bayar lagi, kenape boleh ikot serta kursus, cik bagitau saya kene bayar dlu,"

Cik Aziati pun cakap "Owh, ni kite pun tak tau deorang nak join ke tak, if deorang datang, maksudnye ade lah,if tak tak de,"

Saya pn pikir secara rational, masalah ni terjadi sebab terlalu ramai peserta sampai derunk kene tukar tempat sebab management tak mempunyai kuota peserta dan tidak ada tarikh tutup kemasukan kursus. Management yang horror. lol. Kesian my sis.

I pun geleng2 kepala. "Hrm..ok la, takpelah. Ok kat mana boleh mendaftar? Saya dah kat sini sekarang,"

"Owh cik, pendaftaran pukul 10, sekarang tak boleh mendaftar lagi," I tengok jam, pukul 9.30 pagi. "Cik duduk la dulu,makan breakfast dulu,"

I pun duduk lah depan dia, tunggu setengah jam. Pukul 10 pagi, I siku my sis, eh dah pukul 10, g kat cik aziati tu cakap ngan die, ni dah pukul 10, boleh daftar?

Duh, macam katun je, boleh je nak daftar 1st tme dtg, tapi kene tunggu pukul 10 gak. duh..
I told my dad, my dad cakap senang je, "Management Melayu memang camtu," Walaupun bukan semua Melayu macam tu, dan pedih didengar, tapi memang betol. Berubah lah Melayu, demi agama, bangsa dan negara. Memang bukan salah cik Aziati sorang, tapi kejadian begini dapat dielakkan jika team management UIA bertindak lebih efisien.

P/s : Nasib baik saya sayang my baby sis, tengok dia je sejuk hati balik.

*Peace*

:+:+: B there in 5 :+:+:

Nilah ayat yang paling best dalam dunia for me. Selalu hari-hari yang boring macam ni, takde klinik, takde patient, takde cerita best kat tv, semua dvd dah tengok. Mati kutu kat rumah, bareng-bareng atas katil, tangan mesti gatal2 nak text Aki, "Hun,buat pe? tak keluar?" As a girl, konon-konon jual mahal, tak nak ajak keluar straight forward. hehe. If I text him camni dia dah faham2 lah I'm bored. Auto sensor die trus switch on. Beep* Beep* Dia mesti text me.

"Jap, I mandi,"
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"B there in 5,"


Big Yeay!!

Tapi sekarang, I'm back home kat my house kat P.J. Kadang2 kalau sangap nak keluar, I tepon la teksi. Standard prosedure taxi company. Operator die mesti call balik

"Miss, taxi will be arriving in 5"
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Ayat lebih kurang sme je, tapi rase tak yeay sangat.

Now, kite tengah mengalami LDR (long distance relationship). Aki kat negara bernama M.Kidul and I'm home kat P.J. Tibe2 terasa *Time difference* between us sangat la hebat. haha. Waktu I tidur ialah waktu dia terjage, dan waktu die tidur ialah waktu I'm awake. Aki bangun pukul 6 petang (WIB), dan I tidur around 9 malam (I memang tidur awal setiap hari sebab dah terbiase kene pergi klinik pagi2). We barely have time for each other, but it's okay. Rase macam *12 hours time difference je! Lol.
=)



=)

Jadilah macam harimau, janganlah jadi macam monyet

Vs

Khamis lepas dokter saya cakap "Jadilah macam harimau, jangan lah kamu jadi macam monyet,"
Kita tengah duduk face to face kat bilik lecturer, ada meje kayu depan kitarunk. I tengok muke dokter tu ngan pelik. Cube faham maksud dia.


I pun tanye dokter tu,"Sebab harimau digeruni semua haiwan hutan ke? dan kenapa monyet dok? Sebab monyet tu asyik bergantungan dari dahan ke dahan jadi tak berdikari??"


"Bukan lah, jadilah seperti harimau. pernah tak kamu lihat harimau berburu? kalau dia aim sekor kijang tu...kijang tu jer dia kejar, sampai dapat! padahal ada banyak lagi kijang yang lagi dekat dan lagi gemok sebelah dia. Tapi harimau akan kejar sekor kijang tu je sampai dapat!"


I pun gunakan imagination I jap, A'ah eh... Harimau lari lurus je. Dia tak de pun tbe2 eh! eh! tengah kejar lompat ke kijang lain sebelah dia. I pun angguk2 faham.


"Dan kenapa monyet dok?"


Dokter tu pun senyum sinis kat I "Pernah tak awak tengok monyet makan? Dia dah ada pisang kat tangan dia, tapi kalau dia nampak kawan dia ada pisang, dia mesti nak rampas dan bawak lari,"


Apa yang my dokter nak sampaikan ialah : Kita kene kejar 1 hal dalam hidup kita sampai dapat, janganlah kite jadi yang dikejar tak dapat, yang di kendong keciciran. Tak kesah la dalam mengejar cite2 atau pasangan hidup. Luv u peeps!

:+: Oopsie! :+:

Happy birthday mak!! Actually I lupe semalam birthday mak. Seriously tak ingat langsung. Mak dah bagi clue. Midnite je die mms me this pic. Time tu I ngah mamai2... Pagi tu kul 6 pagi, i text her "Birthday sape ni? bila ni?" then my mom reply "Sampai hati tak ingat..o0o.mentang2 la dah nak jumpe mak mertua, tak ingat mak kat sini," hahaha... I terus call her, wish her happy birthday!! bley lupe plak. haha.. nasib baik she tak kecik hati, die main2 jer when she said sampai hati tu..uh memang anak stinky tol la I ni. ley lupe lak bday mak sendiri.


My mom makin chantek je, I wonder if I'l ever be as pretty as her.


Haha... Hrm today my bf suruh I meet his parents, die kate parents die alim sangat. Tambah la cuak ni, I agama2 ni tak la berapa sangat, banyak lagi kene belajar. I told my mom, may be I'll be meeting his parents tomorrow, and she was worried. My mom takot my bf ni macam my ex, dia taw ape my ex did to me. kejam and not-human. But well that's the risk kot for love, kadang2 best, kadang2 tak best. My mom told me, "Be nice to his parents and be careful, I don't want you to get hurt," I smiled je. "I will!"


My bf is 22 and I'm 23 now, somehow dengan bongoknye I hope parents die tak de prob ngan age,sebab sunnah nabi la katekan pompuan lagi tua. Ahaha! I think we'll be okay kot, walaupun dia lagi muda sket tapi dia lagi matured dari I. Sangat kot. I tak tau asal, padahal he's THE ONLY CHILD. Patut dia la yg spoil gile2, Now die plak yang spoil me. Everyday plak tuh...deym! My bf told me, mom dia tak de daughter and he was hoping I could be her daughter. Sweet sangat kottt... Rasa cam nak diabetes je. I'm thrilled to meet his parents tapi deep inside rasa cm NAK LARI je. If tak yah jumpe tak pe ker?haha... You know when you couple ngan someone, it's not just you and him je, tapi keluarga dia, kawan2 dia and semua orang yang keliling you pun akan terlibat secara tak langsung. It's like a chain reaction.


My bf tak jumpe my parents lagi, haritu time bday my dad. I ajak my bf to my dad's bday party sebab dia temankan I beli kek bday my dad. kene lah ajak, susah2 je die jadi my driver that day. hehe. tapi my mom demam lak time tu. jadi kite potong kek atas katil my dad je. So i told my bf, tak yah la datang, tak kan nak dia masuk bilik my parents kot. That's awkward gle kot. haha..


I know I'm SCANDALICIOUS, may be sebab I'm a jiwang girl. Love my life.

:+: Besok toefl :+:

Besok kul 9 pagi ada Tes Toefl, and yes betol I tak belajar pape pun for this test. At all!! haha...I must be crazy! Tapi biar lah. I amek this test pun just syarat tuk grad tahun ni. Kita semua dah amek testoefl masa first year. What is toefl? Toefl is a test that evaluates the ability of an individual to use and understand English in an academic setting. It consists of listening, structure and written expression, reading comprehension, and writing. The score range between 310 - 677 for paper based test. I took this test 4 years ago and got around 620 may be, but that was yeeeeaaarss ago. The shitty part about this test is that it's only valid for two years, since I took it on 2005, I need a new certificate to clarify I am qualify to graduate. duh! Sigh! My university min target is score 425, aha... dah la... 4 years of "bahasa jawa n Indonesia" everyday and no English... uh uh... Do you know why Toefl certificate only valid for two years? Because according to Center for Applied Linguistics, a candidate language proficiency could have changed since the last date of test a.k.a it's fun making students miserable. But anyways, it's just a simple English test.. heee...

:+: i miss my baby sis :+:

This picture was taken at Make over spa at Dharmahusada last month. Hair spa kat situ best and murah! Eh iklan plak. Neways, I miss her! She's 16, she's brilliant and omg I miz her so much!
(Padahal baru sebulan je tak jumpe, gedik tol! haha)


Her name is Diyana, Baru je habes SPM, mesti tengah berjoli joli rolli sekarang. Mentang2 la tak kene PKN. hehe.
Klinik cepat lah habes, dah homesick dah ni!

P/s : Malaysia is the best place in the world. Seriously! Cuz that's where home is.

Sisters forever! Muahx!

:+: Which one :+:

BoDoH?
SeTia?
atau
SengaL?

All three may be, that's why I'm freaking sad all the time!

I have no idea why I'm sad, I'm mad all the time. It's hard to sleep at night, I ate so much to satisfy myself, I've gained a LOT. I wonder why I won't let anyone come close anymore.

They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubts, there's nothing left for me to figure out,

I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying.

(Dixie chicks)

Booyah! padan muke me

I sold my soul to the devil, and I can't get it back. I've paid a very large price for it. A large price just to feel this empty hole inside my soul. Bongek shikin. Jangan buat camtu lagi la. I need to check in-to a rehab.